What's in a name?

The journey of discovering myself has awakened a desire to change many aspects of my life.

A few months ago I was meditating, checking in with myself and I stumbled into an uncomfortable question. What is the meaning of my name? Not a loose translation of Avuyile (joyful people) but the true identity of this name.

Because of the way I grew up, I had a lot of misconceptions about myself. I felt like a nobody. I never thought of myself as a worthy person or as someone who could achieve anything.

As a result many things that I have accomplished in my life I really didn't get excited about them. People celebrating me looked like they were pretending.

When I went out with people and needed to introduce myself, it was awkward to say ‘Hi I'm Avuyile’ it was worse when someone couldn't pronounced my name correctly I just became smaller and smaller.

Not that I didn't like it, I just couldn't match it up with myself.

As a child I allowed others to overshadow me because I didn't feel worthy, I felt like I was living someone else's life. If for example prizes were given to children and my name was called, I felt like I was embarrassing people or making them uncomfortable in hearing the name Avuyile.

I spoke to my parents for the first time about this. My mom told me that it was my dad who came up with this name.

So he says, he named me while my mom was still pregnant with me. He named me Avuyil'amaNtlane ngokulizwa ngomntwana. He was very excited to be a father for the first time, he said.

I asked him why he thought this was a good name, he said there was no other name that could have expressed the joy he felt, that it didn't matter wether the child was a boy or a girl.

The inferiority complex I grew up with finally faded. I am Avuyile and my existence excites my family.

I am sure my parents were shocked by the question I asked so late in my life. It was important to me to understand myself and possibly unveil the deeper meaning of who I am.

I am getting to know Avuyil'amaNtlane and it is amazing.

How do you feel about your name? What are you discovering about its meaning?

Avuyile Mngxitama-Diko #rookielifecoach